Porpor in Jail

"She did not know what to think anymore except that she never expected to survive her husband. She had reserved the empty spot next to him at the crematorium. That was 17 years ago. Her birthday is in May. A celebratory party is not what she wants, nor was turning ninety a plan she ever had."

She is my grandmother or rather Porpor, as she has always been known to me. I have fond memories of her from childhood as a strong take-charge type of woman who would threaten me with her feather duster if I was up to no good. After being away for over 20 years, I recently returned to Malaysia and spent many days observing a sweet, quiet and lonely woman wondering why she is still alive.

Through these images, I wanted to portray her daily routine at home made up of sitting, walking a few steps or resting in bed, none which she can do for long periods at a time. Mostly she waits for meals, for someone to return home and for the day she can be with my grandfather again.

The title of this series is quoted directly from her. I had shown her these photos and she laughed muttering, ‘’Porpor in jail’’. But sometimes when I point my camera at her, she looks at me with eyes that are sad but yet, still very much alive.